my skin is crawling...

I can't stop my feet moving...

I'm inventing ways in my head to go to France... (it includes winning a large sum of money)

I'm trying to will myself to know French...

my stomach is in knots...

I'm jittery...

I'm anxious...

or maybe I just drank too many cups of espresso

3 strikes you're out!

i've said in the past that you need at least 3 bad things to go wrong before you can officially call a night out a bad night. tonight... i had a BAD night.

it started out great, my hair decided to be perfect (which was extra good cos i was about to see my old hairdresser who wouldn't give me layers saying that 'it wouldn't work'), my make-up was nice, i felt good in my outfit... and dad had just made me a killer (in a good way) pizza for dinner.

so i'm driving down james ruse drive to turn right on windsor rd (sorry to all those who don't have a clue, just pay attention to the lanes etc) i'm in the left lane which breaks of into 2 lanes to turn right over the bridge, and the other 2 lanes go under the bridge. well the speed limit is 90 and i pass a ute doing about 60. just as the lanes separate to go over/under bridge the idiot SPEEDS UP (even though he is at least 10m behind me now) from the middle lane and cuts infront/beside me to go over the bridge. i had to change lanes quickly to avoid an accident. THEN we turn the corner, i'm in the left lane and he is in the right and i'm about half a car length behind him. he decides to make a left hand turn from the right lane into a service station, once again cutting straight in front of me and blocking my lane completely. i slammed on the breaks and on the horn at the same time and he stopped, and i stopped about an inch from him. then he just drives into the station and does a u-turn to go in the opposite direction on windsor rd. meanwhile i'm shaking at the prospect of dying. not necessarily from the accident but the wrath i'd cop from dad. its lucky we had only just turned the corner and i wasn't even doing 50 yet otherwise i wouldn't have been able to stop. - strike one!

i make it to the RSL in one piece and meet up with my "friends". back story to this one is the friendship has felt weird for a while now. they didn't attend my farewell drinks before i went overseas and blew me off the day we were meant to get together when i got back. but both times had good reasons so i wasn't sure if it was circumstantial or the friendship was just over. oh and they had been getting together for the last 3 weeks but not ringing me. then i got a random message out of the blue saying they were all going to the RSL. i went to find answers and well its pretty clear now! we made polite chit chat as though we'd known each other for a week and there were a few awkward silences. i ended up asking what was up and heard snippits of a sentence containing the words 'different - grew apart - no reason'. rightio then. so i went home at 11pm on a saturday night officially minus 2 friends. - strike two!!

as previously mentioned dad made pizza. well with the left over pizza doe the italians roll it out thin, fry it and sprinkle it with sugar. this is by far the best thing about making pizza. on the drive home i was looking forward to the left over doe and when i got home, i saw the people mum had over for dinner carrying (in slow motion) my precious fried doe on a cling film covered plate to the car. the deliciousness i desired was disappearing before my eyes. i smiled and waved goodbye and once they were safely gone.. turned on my "poor" mother.
[me] "why did you give them ALL of it?"
[mum] "i knew if it was here i'd eat it"
[me] "BUT WHAT ABOUT ME???"
[mum] *blank look*... "i didn't want to eat it"
[me] "you wouldn't have to, I wanted to eat it!!!"
[mum] "i didn't think about you... but wasn't it yummy sam?"

STRIKE THREE!!!

its safe i promise!

well i have calmed down now after the whole '20 roles of film' saga... i actually got an albums worth of half decent pictures so i guess its ok. who needs a whole 20 roles of film anyway right? right???? *convincing myself*

regardless... on thursday night i had the privilege of escorting boyface (aka andrew) to the Cat Empire gig debuting their new album 'Two Shoes' - at all good retailers near you. i thought it would be one of those gigs where you don't know any of the songs because they just want to play their new stuff... well i was wrong! not only did they mix up the old and the new REALLY well but they had sneakily been testing their new songs on us at old gigs, so it was familiar without being all the same stuff. overall though, the gig was one of the best i can remember (and there has been a lot).

before i left i said to mum and dad 'i'm going to see cat empire in newtown, i'm catching the train cos i don't want to drive in'. well, 2 minutes later dad says...

[dad] natalina... come here.
[me] *confusion* he's called me natalina not natalie which means i'm not quite in trouble.. but the demand 'come here' is never good.
[dad] kneel here *points to infront of him* and gimmie a kiss
[me] *thinkin* oh he must want something... coffee? iron a shirt? come on what is it??
[dad] *pause* another kiss
[me] *thinkin* oh no... he must be about to say something i don't want to hear but doesn't want to get in a fight about it.
[dad] *pause again* another kiss
[me] *thinkin* three? THREE??? oh shit i REALLY don't want to hear this...
[dad] *all tentative like* how are you getting there?
[me] *all patient like* train, from epping station
[dad] with who?
[me] myself, but andrew will come back with me
[dad] is that safe?
[me] yes dad, its only 7pm and andrew will be with me on the way back.
[mum] *all anxious like* would you prefer to drive her sam? can we drive you nat?
[me] yeah thats even better.
[dad] i'm too tired
[mum] i wouldn't know how to get out of newtown
[me] oh well, train it is
[dad] get in a carriage near the conductor and make sure there are lots of people in it
[mum] don't walk through any tunnels when you get to the station *voice rising and bordering on panic* and hold your keys in your hand when your walking
[me] *wondering if i'm hearing correctly* i just went around the world... on my own... and your worried about me getting from epping to newtown?
[dad] *pause* blank face
[mum] *looks at dad*
[dad] oh yeah... well... be careful anyway
[me] yes dad *like the good daughter i am*

i can see it now, i could be 40 years old. gone to America, joined S.W.A.T, holding an automatic weapon and covered in special protective clothing... and my parents would be on the phone going 'your going downtown at night? make sure your on the carriage next to the conductor, have your keys in your hand when you get off...'

warning... bad mood approaching

I AM SO F'IN PISSED OFF IT IS NOT FUNNY!!!

20 bloody roles of film... 20!!! and do you think i got 20 roles worth of photos back??? not a damn chance. and how many of the ones i DID get back (which they charged me for all 20 and mixed up all the roles to even it out... like i wouldn't notice. yeah i'm sure i went from canada to rome to new orleans and then to france in one role you bastards!) do you think were really good? about 5 roles worth i'd say! and do you know WHYYYYYYYYYY???

BECAUSE MY CAMERA IS A PEICE OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

only i did not know my camera was a peice of shit until i got these photo's back because it has always been fine before i decided to leave the country. it must have something against timezones. granted it has never had that much usage or had to survive -30 degree weather but dammit - my photos... i'm so sad now. and SO many of them are missing. i remember taking particular photo's in sequence and i have some of them and then a whole bunch are missing. you wait till i get my hands on those damn rabbit photo girls.

that'll teach me. i should have bought a damn digital camera and been done with it. at least you can see how they turn out. but NOOOOOOOOOOOOO i was practising restrained purchasing. i'm sure there is someone to blame for that... probably dad. him and his 'its too expensive' shit (yet he can buy a f*%$ing astra and entertainment system). by the time you pay for 20 roles of film i could have bought the damn camera.

things i am obsessed with...

it occurred to me recently that i go through phases quite a lot. much like a small child would (yes i made the comparison myself so there is no need for you to do it).

it's quite extreme really, i'll listen/eat/watch/wear the same thing over and over and over again every day for months only to wake up one day and decide its not that good after all.

the most recent list is...

1. round toe tweed shoes. i now own 2 pairs which kinda look like this but mine are in brown and black (couldn't decide).

2. tweed in general - i now have a coat and handbag to match.

3. Robbie Williams song 'Karma Killer'. i listen to it a few times a day, the lyrics and music are so kick ass!

4. 'The New Left' - the LP i brought back from america is a fixture on my bedroom stereo.

5. 'The Tea Party' - a fixture on my car stereo.

6. Connoisseur Chocolate Honey Nougat icecream. Unfortunately (pfft) it only comes in a 1L tub and i end up eating the entire thing on my own. however it does claim to contain 10 servings... but i can only ever get about 4 out of it.

7. Nougat in general... oooo the hard kind is best.

8. asparagus ... i know its weird. but i love it.

9. washing my face and brushing my teeth (excessively) morning and night. i used to not care if i a had a big night and went to bed with make-up on or teeth not brushed. now i freak out.

10. movies set in places i've been to. i'm so annoying to watch a movie with now. the other day i actually paused one to show dad the painted cow on the wall and how i was sitting in this coffee shop on the other side of the road and i thought the cow was real... blah blah blah

11. cleaning. i have no explanation for this one... its just too strange.

12. petrol. i'm such a nazi with my petrol these days. its so expensive and i can't afford to fill my tank and then have mum and dad use it.

SECURITY!!!!

at 3pm today a threat was made against my life.

i was standing behind the counter at civic video, minding my own business with the DVD "A Shark's Tale" playing on the 4 t.v screens around the store.

i bent down...

pressed stop on the dvd player (a fatal mistake)

and within seconds i could hear footsteps pounding across the floor...

the words "BASTARD!!! I KILL YOU BASTARD!!!" were being yelled at me!

my heart began pounding faster...

as i looked down at that beetroot red 4-year old face with her fist shaking at me i wondered... would this really be it?

the nat wagon...

i'm guilty, i'll admit it! i've been mistreating the nat wagon and she paid me back.

i should explain... the first car i ever owned was a white toyota camry which became 'the nat mobile'. it even had it written on the back windscreen. since i had to get rid of that car -sniff- my parents donated mums old, rather larger verada to become my very own. it has now been dubbed 'the nat wagon'.

allow me to set the scene. its saturday, the couple i'm house sitting for are due to arrive home around 5:30-ish. i'm meant to be at work till 5pm. i still have to drive the 20-or-more mins to the house from work, pack, tidy up, get ready (in true female style) for a 21st, do the update thing/key swap with the couple and be back at mum and dads by 6pm. it was SO not gonna happen. so i organise to leave work at 4pm to give myself a bit more of a chance. i've got my keys in hand. i'm all excited, run out the door, jump in the nat wagon, go to start her up and nothing.. nada... zip... not a damn thing. doors were all shut properly, interior lights weren't on... what tha!

luckily a NRMA car drives right by, i run - lets just repeat that - I RUN up the street and catch it at the corner
[me] excuse me my car just needs a jump start, i'm running really late. can you help me its just there (point the 20m down the road)
[stupid mean nrma guy] i'm on my way to another call, i can't.
[me] it would take 2 minutes, please
[SMNG] there should be another guy coming up behind me... flag him down (drives off nearly running over my foot)

i'm running back down the street when a really nice couple that used to come into the store scream "nat is that you? your back?" my oh so polite reply "yeah i am can you help me! do you have your car i need a jump start" not "oh yes, how are you. so nice to see you. say, would you mind giving me a hand if its not too much trouble i seem to be in a spot of trouble... ol chap". so the husband walks all the way over to carlingford court to get his car and bring it to mine to give me a jump start, and then have to try find parking at carlingford village (impossible). so the car is running and he can't find why it was flat in the first place either. off i run screaming thank you's over and over till they are out of earshot.

make it to the house, thankfully L & B aren't standing on the doorstep bags in hand waiting for me to open the door. i run in, get ready, pack, tidy... i'm all ready to go and sitting on the couch explaining to dad on the phone that they won't be too much longer and to just leave without me if its a problem. no no he says, they'll wait. L & B arrive home, all the necessary goss was shared and off i run explaining i'm very late.

i've got my keys in hand, i'm all excited, run out the door, jump in the nat wagon, go to start her up and nothing.. nada... zip... not a damn thing.
"G$#@#^N M&$%^R F%$*^R... B, can you give me a jump start?". B comes over to my car,
{B} "whats wrong"
{me} i dunno, it did this before and we couldn't figure it out
{b} your headlights are on *flicks switch*
{me} riiiiiight

so poor B runs around the neighborhood looking for jumper leads, meanwhile i've rung dad to say i'm running even later and he was not a happy camper! B comes back, we hook up the leads and thats when the nat wagon told me exactly what she thought of me and the way i let her go flat twice. her alarm went absolutely nuts. i couldn't turn it off because the car didn't have enough power to run the signal and we couldn't give the car power cos the alarm would go off any time i turned the ignition on.

so i rang my dad to come pick me up and abandoned the nat wagon until the next day.

i know, i'm a shocking mother. meanwhile i could see how annoyed dad was and didn't want to annoy him further with my stupidity and found myself lying right to his face without even batting an eyelash while i told him i drove home from work without a problem. usually i make a point of never lying and its a damn good thing to cos i'm so bloody good at it!... but i promise this was all true!

jasmine and me

WELL... let me tell you folks, the notion i had that cats are no trouble at all just flew out the window, down the street and across the ocean.

enter jasmine the cat

so as previously mentioned i've been house sitting. usually i don't see jasmine at all until she is hungry. then she comes looking for me and pretends i'm her new bestfriend until i feed her and then she promptly turns around, shows me her ass and saunters off to more interesting things.

the other night it was getting rather late and jasmine hadn't come looking for me. i went to check on her and sure enough she was on the bed sleeping in "her" room. it was then that it dawned on me that she has been in that exact spot ALL day, has been sleeping for the majority of it and that is rather unusual. when i got closer i noticed she had a gash on her leg, there was quite a bit of dried blood and she was obviously in pain when i tried to move her leg to get a closer look. i checked her breakfast bowl and she hadn't touched it and she refused dinner. now i was really worried.

the next morning i spoke to A (a close friend of jasmine's owners) and she agreed that if she is off her food something is wrong. i was thinking an infection from the cut leg, A turns around and says "maybe... or she could have been hit by a car" WHHAATT!!! so now i'm thinking jasmine's been hit by a car, bleeding internally and is gonna die on me and the owners are gonna come home, see one of their 'kids' is dead and i'll be joining her. i was just about to call the owners to ask if they are happy for me to take her to the vet just to get checked when A turns around and adds "don't ring them, they'll be on the next available flight back and worried sick if you do". great!!! (apparently that was not true anyway).. so i ring uncle alan (vet) and make an appointment to drag jasmine to get checked out 'just in case'.

easy enough??? NO!!!

i searched the house from top to bottom for a kitty travel cage to no avail. so i grabbed a washing basket (didn't even think to put newspaper down *smacks head*) and put a wire dish rack over the top. the ENTIRE way in the car jasmine was trying to climb through the holes and i was thinking "god now she'll get stuck and i'll break her neck or something". i've NEVER seen a cat freak out so much, she peed everywhere. i thought she was about to have a heart attack and the driveway i thought led to parking at the back of the vet was actually just a random driveway once i got closer. SCREW IT i said and parked there anyway. i had to get that cat (ok me) calmed down.

so i get inside, had to pick up jasmine and hold her down which meant my ONLY work shirt i had to wear the next day got covered in cat piss. and watched with a squimish tummy as the vet dug around INSIDE the cut (ew) and gave her an injection. then the vet showed me how to give jasmine her tablet. ie. pulling her head back and literally ramming it down her throat with a pump action type tubey syringe thing (lacking a needle). wonderful i say. the vet thought it was just a cat fight... *mumbles* damn anti-social cat.

so its time for the ride home. i was hoping the injection the vet gave jasmine also contained a kitty sedative but alas, it did not. she freaked out again... and peed again too. how could she possibly have any left after the first time!!! once home i didn't want her running around the house and dragging pee all over the carpet so i put her on her balcony till she cleaned herself up. (no way in hell i was giving her a bath), then sat down to ring the owners, L & B. they didn't sound as though they were ready to jump the next plane which made me worry they thought i was an idiot for taking her to the vet in the first place and costing them $80. so i walked around anxiously for the next 24 hours till they were due home thinking they'd never ask me to house sit again. turns out they were worried about me! and even brought me the most delicious chocolates i've ever eaten. mmmmmmmm... chocolate.

so... would i do it again? absolutely! but jasmine would not be allowed near another cat and the words 'hit by a car' are BANNED.

macc and me

ok i know its ridiculous
i know you know its ridiculous
and i know you know i know its ridiculous...

but here's the thing

have you ever felt weird having an animal see you naked?

i'm house sitting at the moment and the couple i'm house sitting for have a dog macc, a cat jasmine and a fish morney. now jasmine and morney keep to themselves, in fact i don't think jasmine has forgiven me for putting her in 'her room' the first night i went to work. however, macc follows me everywhere (i like having him around) and his favourite spot to sit is on the bed in the main bedroom ('my' room). so the other day i had a shower, and i'm getting dry and dressed and i look over to macc on the bed and he's laying with his back to me but his head strained over one shoulder looking at me. now i know he isn't judging me... even if he was, i don't care if a dog thinks i'm fat or not... but the longer i stood there with him looking at me the more i wanted to reach for the towel. as if that isn't stupid enough, instead of kicking him out (like a normal person) i got out of his line of vision, quickly got dressed and left. i figured he shouldn't have to suffer the inconvenience of moving just because i'm insane.

no wonder i can't string a sentence together...

during one of my bouts of 'cleaning the kitchen' that i did today (out of 3) i found a paper placemat my dad had borrowed (knocked off) from the pub Shenannigans during his last trip to Darwin. I found it funny and it goes like this...

Reasons why the english language is hard to learn

1. the bandage was wound around the wound
2. the farm was used to produce produce
3. the dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse
4. we must polish the Polish furniture
5. he could lead if he would get the lead out
6. the soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert
7. since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present
8. a bass was painted on the head of the bass drum
9. when shot at, the dove dove into the bushes
10. i did not object to the object
11. the insurance was invalid for the invalid
12. there was a row among the oarsmen about how to row
13. they were too close to the door to close it
14. the buck does funny things when the does are present
15. to help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow
16. the patient patient waited for hours to see the doctor
17. i shed a tear upon seeing the tear in the painting
18. i had to subject the subject to a series of tests