what you say and what you do are two entirely different things!

so last you heard, i was happy with a cute cute cute boy who was treating me well. how quickly things can change FOR NO F#CKING REASON!!!

ok, maybe not NO reason. there were a couple of things that got in the way. too many people involved for one thing. they were all putting in their two cents and putting pressure on the relationship. Steve wasn't really ready to be in a relationship, he tried, but his head kept getting in the way and i got tired of 'being careful' and always worrying about if he was ok.

it was like this:

(steve) "come over... don't go... i want to meet your mum... yeh, she's my girlfriend"

(steve's thoughts) sh*t, this looks like a relationship, omg it IS a relationship.... but i didn't want to be in a relationship *scratches bald head*... calm down man just tell her that and she'll be cool...

(steve) "i'm not really sure what i want. i like you, i care about you. but i don't think i'm ready to be a boyfriend"

(nat) "ok. it's only a label. i'm fine with how we are as long as i know whats going on. you don't have to meet my mum yanno. how bout we just leave it for now and i don't call you my boyfriend"

(steve) "yeh cool. but i'll meet your mum. i want to. and in situations like that you CAN call me your boyfriend... where are you going?? please stay."

(Johnny *the room-mate*) "dude, she's your girlfriend. you spend nearly every night together... how's your girlfriend?... did you tell her mum about your girlfriend?... your being disrespectful by not calling her your girlfriend.

(steve's thoughts) sh*t but i don't want to get hurt. if i don't get in a relationship i won't get hurt. easy... don't get in a relationship. cool... sorted. whoa, that was close *wipes sweat of bald brow*... gee, i miss nat. i might call her and ask her to come over and stay for the weekend.. and perhaps the week as well. and we'll go out, and hold hands, and i'll make her dinner and she can tell me about all the things that are important to her.. and i want her to meet all my friends.. oh and i should ask her to come to that wedding thats 3 months away with me cos yanno, she'll still be around. and if a guy hits on her at arq again like last week, i'll just kiss her in front of him so he knows she's mine. then i'll take her home and hold her the entire night while we sleep. sounds good! but don't worry self... this isn't a relationship so you won't get hurt... oh but sh*t....

so i did the hardest thing possible and made his mind up for him. i couldn't even look at him when i was breaking it off. had to look at the floor. and when i looked up and saw how gorgeous and sweet he is and that he had tears in his eyes i couldn't breath. but all he could say in response was "i told you i didn't want a relationship"... well, that's true, i'll give him that.