new yoooork.. neeeeew yooork (for boyface)
hello hello i am in the New York.... again... but before we get to that can i just do a big shout out to the customs officers in Detroit... FUCK YOU!!! that's right, settle in devoted readers cos i'm about to have a rant!
it really all started about a week ago when i booked my original flight. i was going to leave on the 11th dec, flying out of heathrow airport which is the EASIEST airport to get to in london, and the most efficient i found out later. so i'm typing all my details in on the net and pause for about 2 seconds wondering is this what i really want to do... yeah it is... so i click to confirm. big screen pops up and basically says... "ha ha you took too long and some bastard has just taken the last seat on the plane" hmm.. so i panic and put all my details in for the 12th and thankfully there is both a departure and return flight available so i click on confirm without really checking anything other than date and times. so la di da di da i've set my alarm for 9:15am the day of my departure which gives me plenty of time to get ready and make it to heathrow with plenty of time to spare. do di do di do after packing i say to myself i'll just get the printout of my flight details out so its handy when i get there... scan over the paper... and read Gatwick airport... gatwick i think, i wonder where that is in heathrow. (click click click, my brain is slowly turning over) OMG FUCKING GOD (there it is) Gatwick is a whole other airport and NOT easy to get too. so i ring the shuttle, the next one is leaving at 11am from victoria station (which is at least half an hour away by tube) and it gets in at 12:20 (35 mins after i'm meant to check in) i haven't even had a shower or brushed my teeth yet and i'm on the phone trying to book this bloody shuttle. so i've given her my credit card details and paid for the shuttle and just been informed of a further 5 pound cancellation fee when she says and you have to be there 20 mins before the shuttle leaves to be able to get your tickets in time. no problem i say, hang up, look at the clock and its 10:30... shuttle leaves at 11... 11 minus 20 mins, minus the 30 mins its gonna take to get to victoria station (brain = click click click) FUCK, not a chance in hell of making it (finally, thank you). make a run for it anyway figuring i might be able to get a bus from victoria station or at least get as close to the station as possible and get a taxi (its like paying for a limo over here when you get a taxi.. SO expensive). so i get to victoria station and see that there is a national train that goes to Gatwick airport (national train is like country link). 1) damn i just wasted 13 pounds booking and not making that shuttle. 2) damn a ticket to Gatwick is also 12 pounds and i have no money so add another $5 my bank is gonna charge me to withdraw 20 pounds in cash. (damn you gatwick). long story short, i finally make it to gatwick just in time to check in and board the plane, still having had no shower but i managed to brush my teeth in the airport bathroom.
so, its about 5:30pm-ish detroit time when i flew in from London ready for my connecting flight at 7:04. this is great i think - i can go get some US money out, have a drink at the bar, something to eat since i skipped breakfast and the food on the plane was close to inedible. but detroit customs had other ideas for me. i've said this before but apparently i look like a terroist. i got detained.. thats right DETAINED in detroit for over an hour. i got questioned at the regular customs desk for 20 mins... he asked me everything from do i have a boyfriend to how much money is in my bank to why did i quit uni and my job. then he took my passport and boarding pass off me in case i bolted and sent me into the big office. 3 officers poured over my passport with confused expressions on their face for 10 minutes checking stuff on the computer before finally calling me up. i got questioned for another 30mins where he wanted names and phone numbers of the people i have claimed to have stayed with the last 2 times i entered the states and then proceeded to READ MY TRAVEL DIARY!!!! THE BASTARD!!!! then he made me go with him to collect my bag and bring it back to the office so he could put on his little white plastic surgical gloves like im some infectious freak (well i still haven't had a shower) and goes through EVERYTHING in my bag and backpack. i look at my underwear and the entire contents of my wallet spread out across the table and think... i'm never coming back here again. finally i pluck up enough courage to say something along the lines of 'what happens if i miss my connecting flight" (which has been boarding for the last 15 mins) meaning "let me go you ugly prick".. and he says "oh we are almost done here" meaning "im a perverted prick and am getting off on touching your bra's... just give me a minute i'm almost there". so they finally let me go, i have 15 mins till my plane takes off and i'm approaching the last security check where you send your bag through the machine and 'beep beep beep'... "what's that"... "can you stand over here please miss"... "OH YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.. WHAT NOW... THEY JUST WENT THROUGH MY ENTIRE BAG!!!"... 'it is illegal to carry a torch lighter on an airplane in the united states miss'... 'oh gosh is it???... sorry' meaning 'like i give a shit, i have a plane to catch'. so the bitch keeps my favourite and i think only souvenir from paris. my funky lighter that had the eiffel tour on it and lit up when you opened the lid and i bargained the guy down to 2 euro when he wanted 5 and then he called me something in french when i left which i dont think was 'pleasure doing business with you'. so... i proceed to run for my plane and only just make it and find i'm sitting next to a massive guy who snored just by breathing whilst awake and who in all honesty should have had 2 seats. i had to sit in a twisty, totally unnatural position the whole flight and ended up with a really sore back.
welcome to New York!!!... again
it really all started about a week ago when i booked my original flight. i was going to leave on the 11th dec, flying out of heathrow airport which is the EASIEST airport to get to in london, and the most efficient i found out later. so i'm typing all my details in on the net and pause for about 2 seconds wondering is this what i really want to do... yeah it is... so i click to confirm. big screen pops up and basically says... "ha ha you took too long and some bastard has just taken the last seat on the plane" hmm.. so i panic and put all my details in for the 12th and thankfully there is both a departure and return flight available so i click on confirm without really checking anything other than date and times. so la di da di da i've set my alarm for 9:15am the day of my departure which gives me plenty of time to get ready and make it to heathrow with plenty of time to spare. do di do di do after packing i say to myself i'll just get the printout of my flight details out so its handy when i get there... scan over the paper... and read Gatwick airport... gatwick i think, i wonder where that is in heathrow. (click click click, my brain is slowly turning over) OMG FUCKING GOD (there it is) Gatwick is a whole other airport and NOT easy to get too. so i ring the shuttle, the next one is leaving at 11am from victoria station (which is at least half an hour away by tube) and it gets in at 12:20 (35 mins after i'm meant to check in) i haven't even had a shower or brushed my teeth yet and i'm on the phone trying to book this bloody shuttle. so i've given her my credit card details and paid for the shuttle and just been informed of a further 5 pound cancellation fee when she says and you have to be there 20 mins before the shuttle leaves to be able to get your tickets in time. no problem i say, hang up, look at the clock and its 10:30... shuttle leaves at 11... 11 minus 20 mins, minus the 30 mins its gonna take to get to victoria station (brain = click click click) FUCK, not a chance in hell of making it (finally, thank you). make a run for it anyway figuring i might be able to get a bus from victoria station or at least get as close to the station as possible and get a taxi (its like paying for a limo over here when you get a taxi.. SO expensive). so i get to victoria station and see that there is a national train that goes to Gatwick airport (national train is like country link). 1) damn i just wasted 13 pounds booking and not making that shuttle. 2) damn a ticket to Gatwick is also 12 pounds and i have no money so add another $5 my bank is gonna charge me to withdraw 20 pounds in cash. (damn you gatwick). long story short, i finally make it to gatwick just in time to check in and board the plane, still having had no shower but i managed to brush my teeth in the airport bathroom.
so, its about 5:30pm-ish detroit time when i flew in from London ready for my connecting flight at 7:04. this is great i think - i can go get some US money out, have a drink at the bar, something to eat since i skipped breakfast and the food on the plane was close to inedible. but detroit customs had other ideas for me. i've said this before but apparently i look like a terroist. i got detained.. thats right DETAINED in detroit for over an hour. i got questioned at the regular customs desk for 20 mins... he asked me everything from do i have a boyfriend to how much money is in my bank to why did i quit uni and my job. then he took my passport and boarding pass off me in case i bolted and sent me into the big office. 3 officers poured over my passport with confused expressions on their face for 10 minutes checking stuff on the computer before finally calling me up. i got questioned for another 30mins where he wanted names and phone numbers of the people i have claimed to have stayed with the last 2 times i entered the states and then proceeded to READ MY TRAVEL DIARY!!!! THE BASTARD!!!! then he made me go with him to collect my bag and bring it back to the office so he could put on his little white plastic surgical gloves like im some infectious freak (well i still haven't had a shower) and goes through EVERYTHING in my bag and backpack. i look at my underwear and the entire contents of my wallet spread out across the table and think... i'm never coming back here again. finally i pluck up enough courage to say something along the lines of 'what happens if i miss my connecting flight" (which has been boarding for the last 15 mins) meaning "let me go you ugly prick".. and he says "oh we are almost done here" meaning "im a perverted prick and am getting off on touching your bra's... just give me a minute i'm almost there". so they finally let me go, i have 15 mins till my plane takes off and i'm approaching the last security check where you send your bag through the machine and 'beep beep beep'... "what's that"... "can you stand over here please miss"... "OH YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.. WHAT NOW... THEY JUST WENT THROUGH MY ENTIRE BAG!!!"... 'it is illegal to carry a torch lighter on an airplane in the united states miss'... 'oh gosh is it???... sorry' meaning 'like i give a shit, i have a plane to catch'. so the bitch keeps my favourite and i think only souvenir from paris. my funky lighter that had the eiffel tour on it and lit up when you opened the lid and i bargained the guy down to 2 euro when he wanted 5 and then he called me something in french when i left which i dont think was 'pleasure doing business with you'. so... i proceed to run for my plane and only just make it and find i'm sitting next to a massive guy who snored just by breathing whilst awake and who in all honesty should have had 2 seats. i had to sit in a twisty, totally unnatural position the whole flight and ended up with a really sore back.
welcome to New York!!!... again
posted by nat at 6:00 am
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